Living with anxiety and panic attacks

There seems to be something about the end of May and beginning of June that causes my anxiety to come back with a vengeance. I wake up in the morning and the first thing I am aware of is an uneasiness and pressure in my chest. I say my prayers, read my scriptures and try to calm myself down but nothing seems to make it better. If I stay busy all day I can usually keep the panic attacks away, although I feel on the verge of one all day long. I paste on a smile when anyone is watching but when they look away my face mirrors my internal feelings of fear, worry, anxiety, panic and pain. The biggest question running through my head all day is "How can I keep myself and my children safe in case I can't control the panic any longer?" The next biggest question is "What is causing this and how can I make it stop?"

Driving is never a good idea when I am feeling overly anxious. I have had to pull over into a parking lot before just so the panic attack didn't hit while I was on the road. If I have to drive and pulling over isn't an option, I try to channel all my anxiety into my muscles. I tense up and drive with my hands like vice grips on the steering wheel. My jaw stays clenched and I "try" to think of anything except the anxiety war going on inside. And it IS like a war. My sanity is battling an unseen, unprovoked enemy and often times my sanity loses and the enemy takes over for a time. I hate those times. They make me feel weak and vulnerable. I don't like feeling that way. I don't like having to worry about being out in public and having an "attack". It's so embarrassing and degrading. It makes me not want to venture out but then I know the enemy wins and I CAN'T allow that. But, the questions still remain: why? what causes this? how do I make it stop? what am I supposed to learn from this? I wish I knew the answers. I can't help but assume they relate to the abuse from my father when I was a child. I just don't know how they relate or how to make them go away. Most days I don't even think about what happened to me as a child. I have worked through it over and over. I have forgiven my dad, although I will never have a relationship with him again. My life is good. So, why does this enemy keep attacking? What does it gain from coming back over and over again? And how to do I live day after day without allowing it to completely take over? I do what I know how to do...just keep going, keep doing what I need to do, keep praying, keep reading scriptures, keep being a mom, keep living, and keep fighting. Maybe one day the enemy will fight it's last fight and never return.