My biological father, Ed, was not a part of my life while I was growing up. He and my mom had been married for a very brief time and when their marriage ended, they both agreed it would be easier on me for my mom to take custody of me and later for Allan (the man my mom married when I was 3) to adopt me as his child. As a child, I didn't understand who Ed was and I didn't care to have a relationship with him. As I grew older and realized that the relationship I had with Allan was not a "normal" father/daughter relationship, I resented that Ed had walked out of my life. Fast forward to the last few years and I have longed to have a real father: Someone that loves me unconditionally, that feels a sense of protectiveness toward me, that puts my needs before his own. I didn't really realize how much I wished for that until recently when I have come to terms with the idea that although Allan gave me his last name, he was never really a father. Then, last summer, I started communicating with Ed through Facebook. I know many people like to think that Facebook is evil but I will be forever grateful that Facebook brought me in touch with Ed and that side of my family. I felt like I was just starting to get to know things about Ed and his wife, Carlene, and their children (my biological siblings) when Ed got the news that he had cancer. Can I just say that I hate the "C" word? Cancer is a horrible disease that takes too many good people from this earth. In the end, cancer took my dad.
By the time I got to the hospital, he had passed away. I never got the chance to talk to him in person in my adult life. We talked through Facebook and texts but we never got to sit down and really get to know each other. I was waiting until he started feeling better so I could meet with him and let my children get to know their grandpa. I am so emotional about that. I don't know how I can say that I miss someone I didn't really know or how I can mourn the loss of a life that had not had much time to influence mine. From what I did learn and know about Ed, he was a good man that loved his family and friends very much. And they adored him. He will be very missed, even by the daughter that wishes with all her heart that she had had more time with him. I will now look forward to the day I can sit down with him after my life on this earth is over. Rest in peace, Dad. I love you.
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